FRAN LEBOWITZ SAID WHAT!?

Favorite Fran Lebowitz quote
I feel like white Fran Lebowitz
Books are like people you can shred
Keep Calm and Carry on My Wayward Son
I’m horny as FUCK
Do or do not, there is no try
No real New Yorker has ever had sex. Sex is for the suburbs, darling!
I shot Biggie
Oops! I Sharted Again
I swear that wasn’t a queef.
Can you come into my apartment and help me “torrent” something called “Aphex Twin”

WHERE DID I PUT MY KEYS!?
Left them at the last physical Plague meeting
It’s warm and dark, but I’m not telling
NYU threw them out during Spring Break 2020 along with my RBG flask
I was doing a TikTok challenge where I eat them and then wait for them to come out
I put them inside of Tel Aviv and now they are back in the States and selling Dead Sea soap in New Jersey
Obviously, I hid them in my pussy

What is your bodega order?
Pizza sticks day at lunch
A bagel and a bottle of wine
I’ll have what he’s having.
Smelt on spelt
Beets on wheat
Fry on rye
Mac, stacked
Patty, melted.

What’s going on in the news?
They found signs of good pussy on the moon
Someone is being stinky!
Margaritaville Mayor runs for second term
Mr. Potato Head received an honorary PhD… he is now Dr. Potato Head