ISO Someone to Tell Me They Like My Writing, Maybe Also Give Me a Kiss

Looking for a compassionate and driven young mind to help with daily tasks of an up and coming writer (featured in Fiverr and Laxative Weekly). Responsibilities include: research, scheduling, stroking my head and promising I did a really good job, and giving big ole smoochies. Must be available 9-5, as well as during peak sad hours (12:30-2:20 A.M.).